I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED

I was planning on spending the summer in Seattle so I could work and spend time with my roomies who are all leaving me for bigger and better next year.But I knew I was going to have to come home for my knee so I could return to the pitch next year and I finally got my surgery date. After two years of dealing with this pain and discomfort soon it would all be over.

Thursday, I was in the car with my mom and I told her my thumb had been bothering me and she took a look at them and told me to go to urgent care. I was thinking it was a simple dislocation, they’d pop it back in and I will be on my way, but nope.

As my doctor begins to explain what he believe was wrong I sat there and chuckled and he asked what was wrong. I chuckled for three reasons. One: He was explaining the same thing I had surgery for 2 years ago 3 fingers down. Two: I knew my mom was not going the be happy about it. Three (and for those of you wondering): I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT HAPPENED TO IT.

Now I have this stupid splint on my hand and I personally think it is a little much, but my cousins and brother sure were amused. 

Honestly, I am so over being injured. As I have gotten older sports have become more important to me. At the same time, as I have gotten older the more they have been taken away from me. 

...

It is starting to get to me mentally. Senior year of high school, I was benched with injury the entire season except for 3minutes of our senior night game. My team went on to win CIF for the first time in I think 20years? That was hard. I felt useless. Not including cheer, basketball was the first sport I had ever played and it was just taken just like that. That was a humbling period in my life, where I learned the power of voice and how to lead through that when I couldn’t lead physically. To this day I thank my teammates who continued to allow me to really be a part of that team. 

… 

I’ve had other minor injuries since as every athlete does. Throughout my freshman year at UW my knee was okay but after hurting it running, I knew I had to deal with it and I knew that meant not playing this past season. Go figure, they win regionals (pretty convincingly), and made it to nationals. Sure we have some room to grow, but we played some beautiful lacrosse throughout the season. Like, my teammates are BABs. Being on this team and being able to produce physically on the field can be an important point of evaluation on how people view you, and although I know what I am capable of, there were many points where I felt inadequate. However I eventually let that go because I was able to grow in many other ways this past year. The bright side of being able to watch every game with detail, taking stats, and putting a word in when appropriate, was that it showed me a new aspect of the game and I was able to not worry so much about myself and how I was doing and more on my teammates.

…

I guess this random thumb thing just really got to me the past 24 hours. At my core I am many things, but a good chuck of that is that I am an athlete. I am a competitor. I have the some of my favorite memories on the field/ court chasing people down and being their worst nightmare in any sport ( except softball.. can’t really do that). That spirit touches everything I do.

On one end I am sick of getting injured, I can’t run in a game or around with my future kids with a beat up body that is constantly aching. And on the other side of that coin, I am scared to get hurt again. I am scared of the repercussions of that next injury. I know that is a realistic fear for every athlete but the past few years have been draining. I am determined to leave high- competitive sports behind on my own terms and not because they were taken away by injury, but until then I will always have that thought of "what-if" in the back of my head.

No matter the outcome I want to be and will be better for it. Sports have given so much to me and as cheesy as it might sound, sometimes I forget why I play in the first place.As nervous as I am to step on the pitch again, I guess I am equally as excited. I want to embrace every moment of the next two years. I have been reminded of what being an athlete really means to a person. I know I still have some playing time under my belt but I love to plan ahead and I know I’m gonna miss it. So Let’s Do It. Up Up UW.