The Queen Visits Seattle

On Wednesday, May 18th 2016 I was able to witness the best entertainer out there and arguably the most powerful and influential artist over the past decade. If you haven’t figured it out by now, I am talking about BEYONCÉ. YONCÉ. QUEEN BEY.

Now I don’t want to sit here and brag about every single detail because I don’t think I have the words to formulate what I was able to experience with my fellow Sasha Fierce lovers (S/O Erika, Ya, Cam).

Now that I have had time to get over my PBS (post Beyoncé slump)… I do want to quickly mention are three thoughts thoughts/moments that really resonated with me during the concert.

1. Her confidence is so empowering. Now let’s be real for a moment, she is a very beautiful woman and everyone can appreciate her for her looks BUT I’m sure she has insecurities. The crazy thing is that you wouldn’t be able to tell by the way she embraces HER sexy. I was telling my roomie that as much as some people might feel less than while kicking it with Bey on the beach in a two piece, I would feel like the most powerful woman in the world (second to B). I just think that, that is a really special quality when you can empower another woman (or man) that way instead of making them feel inferior, or tearing them down.

2. When she preformed Me, Myself, and I my heart stopped. I have sung that song so much and it has just been one of those songs that have really gotten me through on those off- days. Through all that I have been through it’s really helped me when I think of the relationship I have with myself. I love the people in my life so much and sometimes I think that, that is enough but I forget that loving myself is equally important. You can’t just rely on others because no other persons love for you will ever compare to the love you have for yourself. They just don’t do quite the same job.. they’re really two kinds of love.

3. Halo… She closed with that song, and that did it for me. I don’t think anyone (not even my lovely mother) knows that when that song first came out, the first person I thought about was my little sister. I was dealing with a difficult transition to California and Beyoncé had released her 'I am… Sasha Fierce' record and this song just clicked with me.

I just feel like my sister is there with me when I sing this song. I start thinking about who she would be proud to call a big sister. I think about who would be a good role model for her. I think about who would be lucky enough to be graced by her bright light. It makes me think about how lucky I am to be living another day despite certain circumstances. God blessed me with a little brother at another important time in my life and I am able to now sing this to him as another reminder as to what I want to leave behind.. what I want my legacy to be.

So yes, singing Love on Top to B with thousands of others was beyond amazing.

Getting to shout Survivor at the top of my lungs was empowering. 

Learning not to always say Sorry and to tell that boy bye was important.

Seeing Cam in her element was great.

Being shown that the best kind of drunk is being Drunk In Love. 

And learning when to get in Formation was crucial. 

That night will forever be etched in memory.

Live. Love. Yoncé.

'I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends' ft. LUZ

I  remember walking into band camp the summer before my freshman year of high school and seeing some girl playing in the hall with some bouncy ball and weird stick thing. I would come to find that she was playing lacrosse and that girl was Luz and would turn out to be a very important to me. 

When I joined band I instantly noticed everyone loved Luz. She was THAT person. She was a junior and I was a little freshie. She had the looks, smarts, personality, and of course she IS a bada** trumpet player. To be short, I was intimidated (I believe that she just didn’t think I was cool at first, but that’s another story). 

The first clear interaction I remember engaging in with her was literally moments after I became freshman class president. I didn't think anyone would care, but I went to the band room and out of nowhere Luz comes up to me and gives me a big hug and yells “CONGRATULATIONS” . I was a tad bit confused at her actions because I totally thought she wouldn't care.

Later that night when I shook the confusion of what happened, I just sat and thought to myself, “wow that was really nice.” Ever since, I never doubt anything she does. 

Luz is:

My BOO

A soon to be UCLA graduate

Mid-key saucy
A fellow Husky lover

Hardworking
A fellow Com Major

A trumpet player

Family oriented 

Great

Humble

A former member of the beloved Platypus Crew:

Now, I can go on about WHAT I love about Luz, but I can’t tell you why…Let me explain:

When I think about our friendship its not typical. It’s not like my friend Ilish and I (you’ll here about her later). I don’t really talk to her as often and sometimes we go months and at one point a year or more without seeing each other in person ( A reminder the 'Real Life' is a thing and I am not excited about it).

Despite that being the majority of the past six years, if you stick us on a high school band trip to Disneyland one random summer (last summer to be exact), it’ll seem like the exact opposite. 

I’m writing this with Luz as a focal point, but this sort of thing is applicable to some of my other fiends as well and I am so appreciative of that. I am appreciative because they provide me with confidence in relationships that I didn’t have growing up as a military brat. I don’t have those friends from kindergarten or 1st grade, but I have a Luz, and a Kaitlyn, and a Jake… 

Till this day, when you become my friend and if we get close to any degree I hold on to that tightly. It’s not because I'm crazy, but I’m just afraid that if I let go I will lose something special, like I feared I have before. That anxiety has been engrained in me, but in a weird way I’m grateful, because I have learned how to cherish things in a really beautiful way. 

Thankfully Luz and others have embraced me for who I am and have reciprocated my love, being there to love me through it all... and that love always brings me back.

‘Through love comes peace’

PS- To my Vanguard Leadership Camp crew circa 2011: "Stop...Don't look at me."

Dear Mama

To be honest, I thought that this would be the easiest thing to write. However I am quickly realizing how difficult it is to write something about someone who means the absolute world to you because you just want to get it right. But even though I won't capture everything, there are some things that I know to be true...

I would not be the person I am today if it were not for my mother. We are so much alike sometimes it scares me and even though we bump heads sometimes, she will always be my #1.

My mom is my warrior:

When she left my father my mom tells me about how hard that was to be young taking care of two kids on her own but she pushed through. She knew what was best for us and herself no matter the sacrifices she had to make in the moment and continue to give my brothers and I the world.

My mom is selfless:

When my stepdad would get deployed and I was in elementary school there was a shift. To put it simply, I wasn't that nice when he'd leave and even my 4th grade teacher noticed. But when he wasn't there my mom would always go that extra mile after a long day at work to make it to all of my games and to show up to my practices. And for me, that meant the world.

My mom always made sure I got what I needed:

When I was loopy on pain meds after hand surgery she made sure I got my strawberry eggo waffles and chicken nuggets.

No but really....

When I get stressed and frustrated she has always been my sense of reason, and makes sure to text me the next morning reminding me that she loves me and to embrace the new day and make the most out of it.

My is my number one fan:

I know how boring it is sitting in the audience at band concerts, but if it was important to me she'd be there.

When I started playing lacrosse, the only thing she understood was that I couldn't step in the crease, but would come straight from work to see me play anyway.

Most importantly my mom loved me.
 I can go on forever about what she has done for me, but at the end of the day it comes down to the fact that my mom did her job. Everyone loves their parent(s) in their own way and can depend on them, but not everyone has that privilege. Through every thing that goes on I have been so lucky to have my mom there. She has shown me what it means to love, to be selfless, and that is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me.

Hey Mama by Kanye... RIP Ms. West
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__N2Pd9fcBU